MommyTeaching.com

Effective Communication for Better Discipline

January 13, 2011

I noticed one of my girlfriends was having a difficult time disciplining her son. She asked my opinion about her approach. Cautiously and somewhat fearfully, I shared my opinion.  What I noticed was that she was fairly effective in most parts f her discipline, but that she was failing in one particularly important aspect of it.  She was not getting her son's attention before giving instructions.

She gave the instructions clearly but since her son was delayed in hearing her, he was missing the important parts of her directives. Her son’s disobedience caused her to punish him immediately. This cycle continued because neither one of them knew that he was missing the beginning part of her instructions.

After she and I talked and I shared my point of view, she started employing little attention grabbing techniques like flicking the lights, counting, or simply moving up close to her child to get his attention. Once she has his attention, she gives her instructions and now he is a much better listener.

Failures may be due to one very small factor in an approach. It’s amazing how a small changes can have a huge impact on the outcome.

Steps to lessen disobedience.

1 Getting the child’s attention before giving instructions.

2 Give clear and detailed instructions. Demonstrate what you want the child to do if this is the first time the child will perform the task.

3 Give the child a specific amount of time to listen. Setting a timer or using a buzzer is helpful to a child.

4 Give positive affirmations for successes.

5 Punishment is a last resort for me.  Only after a child has been properly trained should you punish disobedience.

Giving Children Choices

February 08, 2011

My life-long friend Chere had children several years before me. Being able to watch her parenting skills provided me with a plethora of knowledge to use on my own children.

When her son Zachary was eight, I recall his rebellious nature started to kick in. At first she struggled with his his behavior, but thru trial and error she eventually figured out how to tame it.  It was all about choices. When she gave her son options, it made him feel more independent and less controlled. His whole attitude changed and in general he was more agreeable. Thinking back to my years of teaching high school students, I recall the same effect from giving my students choices. Students were empowered when they had some say in the outcome.

There are so many other benefits to giving our kids choices. It gives them practice in decision making, it can help nurture their creativity and it teaches them some level of independence.

Five Ways to Play with Your Children When You are Too Busy to Play

March 31, 2011

Play House: Say you are playing house, be the dad and say you have to go to work.  I run into the kitchen and cook dinner. You can periodically pretend to call home to stay in touch with children in their play mode.

Scavenger Hunt:  For younger kids, draw pictures of different items they are to find.  For example, draw a green leaf or a square or anything the color red.  You can pick items found indoors or outdoors.  For older kids, you can write the items to be found. 

Verbal Communication: Sing, talk or tell a made-up story while you are doing your work.

Workout:  You can work out, holding baby or toddler for a tougher workout.  You can also invite your child to work out with you. 

Top 10 Ways to Increase Communication with Children and Family

April 25, 2011

1 Every evening I ask my children to tell me five things about their day. Given open-ended questions, they tell me what was most important to them. I learn facts about their day as well as learn what they value enough to discuss.

2 Keep a family journal where people write important events or thoughts. This can be something you only take out on Sunday and have everyone write their highlights for the week or you can have it out daily. My sister and I meet at a beach house once a year with our families and there is always a journal that the owners leave out for the guests to add special memories of the week at their house. I thought this was such a great concept that I have borrowed the idea to use on a more regular basis at home. It helps children practice writing and teaches them to share their ideas. It’s like a private family face book. Keeping separate journals is also a very effective way to communicate with each of your children individually.

3 Use family question cards. Michelle Weber sells them in her family enrichment kit. These cards promote discussion at the family dinner table.

4 Repeat what you think your child is saying to make sure you understand his point. If you don’t get what your child is saying, give him a chance to explain it better.

5 Adjust your nonverbal cues to be more communicative: use good eye contact, get on a child’s level (kneel or sit if necessary), move closer to child, touch shoulder or hand if applicable.

6 I know this will sound a little extreme, so only use it in cases of communication problems. Tape your conversations so you can reflect on the information shared. Sometimes a conversation gets too confusing or too heated to share information properly. Reflecting over the words spoken will give both parties a better understanding of the other person’s perspective.

7 LISTEN, LISTEN AND LISTEN…then jot down information about your child that you think you might forget. From my experience, children will tell you more if they know you are listening and remembering.

8 Be supportive. Avoid being judgmental or lecturing. I find that I hold back my advice unless my child asks me. Then I write down my concerns for a later discussion. I don’t want my child to associate "opening up" with a negative response from me.

9 Reward your child for communicating with you. Sometimes a simple "thank you" is enough. This reinforcement will increase the likelihood of a child communicating more frequently.

10 Be available to your child. This will increase the likelihood that you are there when the child has something important to say. 

Cooking Adventure - Too Fun to Believe it Teaches Math, Reading, and Science!

April 28, 2011

As I have already mentioned in some of my earlier posts, most Sundays we have a family day. Last year we decided to have each family member pick a Sunday activity.  My enthusiastic daughters always pick baking. 

While this activity seems to compete with my diet, we look forward to homemade melt-in-your-mouth brownies or double chocolate fudge cookies.  My ambitious girls read the ingredients, measure them out and follow the directions. 

Before I proceed I have to share a fun story.  I remember when my daughters were very young, they had the most challenging time cracking eggs. It was entertaining to watch their attempts as egg whites ran down their little fingers.  We ate a lot of crunchy brownies.  I got a fake solid egg and gave it to them to crack.  They kept banging it on the bowl first and then on the countertop and it just would not crack.  They soon realized something was wrong because they knew from experience that eggs break easily.  I had a heck of a time keeping a straight face so when I finally came clean you can imagine the laugh we all had.  That egg still makes an appearance when we bake and we still laugh about it. 

It is hard to believe that while we are having so much fun my daughters are learning lessons in math, reading, science and fine motor skills. 

Without even knowing it my daughters learn...

Math:·                          

Things are measured

There are different units of measurements: cup, tablespoon,...etc.

How to use tools of measurement

Reading:·                  

Following directions 

Reading units of measurements and their abbreviations

Science:·                  

Heat causes a chemical reaction by changing the form of the mixture

Fine Motor Skills:    

Pouring

Scooping·                  

Mixing           

Scraping                   

Cracking eggs

Now I know not everyone out there enjoys baking, but I have some recipes that are impossible to mess-up.  I’ll share some of my favorites over the next few days…so stay tuned.    

Cooking with Children – Some recipes to try!

May 02, 2011

Spend quality time with your children: cooking and baking with them as they practice reading directions, measuring out ingredients, and recognizing units of measurement.

Southern Barbeque  

Spray crock-pot with canola oil.

Put 3 lbs beef loin (or pork loin if you prefer) in a crock pot

In a mixing bowl add the following ingredients:

• 1 cup ketchup
• ½ cup of your favorite barbeque sauce
• ¼ cup packed brown sugar
• ¼ cup red wine vinegar
• 2 Tbs Dijon mustard
• 1 - 2 Tbs Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tsp liquid smoke flavoring
• ½ tsp salt
• ¼ tsp black pepper
• ¼ tsp garlic powder

Pour the mixture over the meat in the crock pot. 

Cook on low for 7 - 9 hours or on high for 3 - 4 hours.  If meat is tough then it needs to cook longer.  Meat should break apart easily with a fork.

Serve barbeque on a fresh roll and top with  cole slaw.

Cole slaw   

• Shredded cabbage
• ½ cup Duke mayonaisse 
• ¼ cup sugar
• 4 Tbs red wine vinegar 

Double Chocolate Cookies

Makes 9 dozen

• 1 ¼ cups butter, softened
• 2 cups sugar
• 2 eggs (room temperature)
• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• ¾ cup baking cocoa
• 1 tsp baking soda
• ½ tsp salt
• 2 cups (12 oz) semisweet chocolate chips

In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.  Beat in eggs and vanilla.  Combine the flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well.  Stir in chocolate chips. 

Drop by teaspoonfuls 2 in apart onto greased baking sheets.  Bake at 350 for 8 - 10 minutes. Let cool.

Taken from Taste of Home Best Loved Cookies & Bars, Jan 18 2010

Delectable Chicken Enchiladas

Best to use Neumann’s Pineapple Salsa, Cracker Barrel Cheese and FRESH cilantro.   

• 1 lb cooked boneless chicken breast, shredded
• 1 small onion (I puree it so my children don’t know it’s in there)
• 1 clove garlic crushed
• I cup of Newman’s pineapple salsa
• 6 oz of Philadelphia Cream Cheese cut into cubes
• 2 Tbsp chopped fresh cilantro (sometimes I add more )
• 1/4 - 1/2 cup shredded Cracker Barrel Jack Cheese
• Flour tortillas

Spray the bottom of a large skillet with cooking spray or add one Tbsp canola oil.  Sauté onions for 2 minutes then add garlic and sauté for another 1 -2 minutes.  Add cooked chicken, ½ cup salsa (save remaining ½ cup for the top), cream cheese, cilantro, and ¼ cup cheese (save remaining ½ cup for the top) Mix while on low heat for 1 - 2 minutes. 

Spray the bottom of a 9 by 13 glass casserole dish with cooking spray.  Have children spoon the mixture onto soft flour tortillas (whole wheat for a healthier version) and roll into enchiladas. Top with remaining cheese and salsa.

Bake at 350 for 10 - 20 minutes until warm.

A Race To Nowhere: How To Fix the Crisis in Education

May 05, 2011

The movie "A Race to Nowhere" in my opinion, has hit the proverbial nail squarely on its proverbial head. For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, the movie is a documentary about the struggles students face in our current national school system. If the information is used appropriately and taken in the right context, it should change our educational system for the better.

It is my belief that children from grades 5 and up are pushed too hard in school. America provides all students with a standardized education. Students take similar core classes at each grade level. Each student takes the exact same test and the same measuring tool is used to evaluate each one of their performances. Additionally, students are pushed to take some classes that are irrelevant to their academic goals. During my years teaching high school, I have come to realize that not all students need to take Precalculus yet many are pushed to believe they must. Colleges will judge them on the number of high-level classes on their transcript. As a result, students cram in as many of these classes into their schedules regardless of the necessity for these classes. Even the middle school students that I tutor are expected to perform levels above their mental capabilities.

For this very reason, I am an adamant proponent of exchanging standardized education for individualized education. Kids are given too much information and allowed too little time to apply it. Teachers in the public school system are given insufficient time to provide vast opportunities for students to use the knowledge for real life applications. They are given a long list of objectives that must be covered in an unrealistic time frame which is then followed by year-end exams that are used to evaluate overall performance. In addition to too much education being crammed into one school year, the problem is exacerbated by it being the wrong kind of education!

Harold Gardner introduced the idea of different intelligences and I whole-heartedly concur that children are gifted in different ways. In many school systems students are bound to learn not according to their natural giftedness and their individual learning style but instead to the homogeneous goals set forth by the local school system. Beethoven would have failed if tested according to his athletic abilities and Michael Jordan probably wouldn’t have coasted through music class. Plainly put, most students are tested according to a standardized curriculum not according to their strengths.

Now to the topic of homework…are students given too much? I believe that they are, especially in the higher grade levels. I am definitely not advocating assigning no homework but a happy medium needs to be struck for the educational health of our students. A realistic amount of meaningful homework on a regular basis is a good thing for kids. For instance, I give my Algebra students each the assignment of polling ten other students with the question of what amount of money they would pay for prom. We then use the data the next day to create a linear graph to see how many tickets we need to sell to keep the cost down. This kind of homework is meaningful to what is being taught. It is low stress, realistic and fun in a sense that it initiates conversation among students. Giving students freedom of interpretation within assignments allows students to choose the direction that is most fitting to their interests and strengths. If children are educated by more flexible objectives, their natural curiosity, capacity and resilience for education will return. They will gain autonomy in their own learning and learn to take risks and gain surprising insights about the world they live in.

I would like to shift my focus to another area of concern that I am very passionate about. There is too little emphasis on early education. I spent time researching schools when my oldest was about to start kindergarten.  Many people's reaction to me was, "Does she really need a great education in kindergarten?" Absolutely! Both my daughters had Mrs. Frantz. Mrs. Frantz has a Masters Degree, a wide range of teaching experiences and she is an exceptional teacher. My daughters are both stellar readers, both reading two levels above their grade and they consistently perform high in mathematics skills tests. The beautiful thing is they are learning and they aren’t even aware that they are developing these higher level skills. When I ask them what they did in kindergarten, they say they played. Early education is where children develop their love of learning and it is where they build the foundation for their cognitive schemas.

I am thankful every day that my children attend an excellent school - St Matthews. My children gain information and they are also given many opportunities to apply it. Miss Deem, my daughter's first grade teacher, is an outstanding teacher. She is well-read and creative in her approach to teaching. She gives my daughter three assignments per week in her writing journal. Is my daughter forced to do one specific assignment? No! Miss Deem lets students choose from ten different assignments. Each activity appeals to different interests and learning styles. Miss Deem supplies parents with a constant flow of additional resources we can use to help educate our children at home. Most recently, Miss Deem gave parents a list of optional homework. Parents have the resources to work with their children at home and parents are given some power over choosing to have children do the homework or not. Parents are the best evaluators of their children's needs and stress level. It is a great way to embrace parents and teachers working together to monitor a child's education.

Since my girls attend an excellent school, does that mean I am off the hook from educating them? Absolutely not! I am just as responsible as any other parent to monitor, stay involved and supplement by living a quality of life that provides a rich educational environment for my children. It's easy for me because I am surrounded by other families who provide a similar lifestyle for their children and they reinforce my ideals.

There are ways to have students practice skills that fit into daily living. Not all free time is created equal. If teachers were to ease up on the amount of homework then parents could help choose more relevant learning experiences for their children that help them spend their time in a more productive manner. I can choose to let my child watch three hour of TV a night or I can limit it to one hour and replace the other two hours with a nature walk (educational), baking or cooking (educational), or playing a sport in our back yard (physical fitness). These are ways to spend quality time with the family while children play and learn. Think of how many hours your child spends wastefully watching TV or playing video games. I don't want to hear the argument that video games teach hand and eye coordination. A child can develop good hand and eye coordinate in one hour a week! If we replace a child's free time from doing homework with less beneficial activities then we have lowered our standards for learning. Instead we create a warm loving environment for our children to laugh, love, grow and learn.

What is our focus as educators and as parents? Do we help them align their goals with their interests and gifts? Do we provide rich educational experiences? Do we nurture their natural abilities and help them become well-rounded educated citizens that will bless the world with their gifts. I recently watched the movie "The Miracle Worker" which portrayed the life of Helen Keller. Helen couldn't see or hear but with parent and teacher working together, they were able to help her accomplish things that most would have thought impossible. Helen Keller learned to communicate, graduated from Radcliff College with a bachelor degree cum laude and then became a strong advocate for the deaf and mute around the world.

The outcome of parent and teacher working together for a child's education is a child that succeeds on a personal level while maintaining a healthy lifestyle. This child also becomes a healthy and strong contributing member of society.

Opposites Working Together

June 02, 2011

My husband and I are truly polar opposites. I am sensitive; he has a hard outer shell. I love hugs; he would rather “high-five”.  I devote my time and thoughts to serious matters like education and bettering society. My husband is happy if we have enough money to afford fishing trips and the buy-in for the World Poker Tour. I want my kids to excel and change the world for the better. My husband is happy if they are not on drugs or pregnant by the time they are 18. I have no idea how and why we got together but here we are...together.

Who has the better perspective from which to raise our children?  I contend we both do…together.  You see by ourselves we are a bit extreme, but together we strike the perfect parenting balance.  (OK, maybe not perfect, but it works for us.)

I used to hate that my husband and I were polar opposites. Now I am coming to see how it benefits my kids and our family as a whole.  Since we disagree regularly, the compromise is usually the perfect thing for everyone.

Good parenting is the functional medley of collaborative efforts.  Parents spend the most time with their children and therefore we are the best evaluators of their needs. However, we cannot think of everything, so we need constructive feedback from others.  Being from a large and very close family, I have no problem getting feedback on anything I ask…and even things I don’t ask.  Below is a phrase that states the way I filter feedback without hurting feelings.  I have never spoken this out loud, but always use it as a way to manage advice:   

We appreciate the advice. We heard it. We evaluated it. We plan to use some of it but we are the best evaluators of how and when to implement your advice because we are the only ones who have all the facts about our life.  Thank You. I appreciate it and I will let you know if I need your help implementing it.

…and if that doesn’t work, I just stop answering my phone for a few days. 

My husband and I are truly polar opposites. Iam sensitive; he has a hard outer shell. I love hugs; he would rather “high-five”.  I devote my time and thoughts to serious matters like education and bettering society. My husband is happy if we have enough money to afford fishing trips and the buy-in for the World Poker Tour. I want my kids to excel and change the world for the better. My husband is happy if they are not on drugs or pregnant by the time they are 18. I have no idea how and why we got together but here we are...together.

Who has the better perspective from which to raise our children?  I contend we both do…together.  You see by ourselves we are a bit extreme, but together we strike the perfect parenting balance.  (OK, maybe not perfect, but it works for u

I used to hate that my husband and I were polar opposites. Now Iam coming to see how it benefits my kids and our family as a whole.  Since we disagree regularly, the compromise is usually the perfect thing for ever

Good parentingis the functional medley collaborative efforts.  Parents spend the most time with their children and therefore we are the best evaluators of their needs. However, we cannot think of everything, so we need constructive feedback from others.  Being from a large and very close family, I have no problem getting feedback on anything I ask…and even things I don’t ask.  Below is a phrase that states the way I filter feedback without hurting feelings.  I have never spoken this out loud, but always use it as a way to manage a

We appreciate the advice. We heard it. We evaluated it. We plan to usesome of it but we are the best evaluators of how and when to implement your advice because we are the only ones who have all the facts about our life.  Thank You. I appreciate it and I will let you know if I need your help implementing it.

…and if that doesn’t work, I just stop answering my phone for a few days. 

Training Children To Form Productive Habits

June 20, 2011

My daughters finish their breakfast and run off to play in the living room.  I can feel my pulse rate increasing.  "Why didn't they put their bowls in the sink when they were finished eating? I think to myself,  "How many times do I have to tell them to pick up after themselves?" 

Then I stop and remember my own advice.  I don't want them to feel ashamed because they forgot. I am still in the training stage and not the punishing stage.  During the school year, we are rushed to get ready for the day.  The girls eat breakfast, run to dress and brush their teeth.  I pick up their plates for them because we are in a hurry. This inconsistency will prolong my training.

What does it take to get children to prompt themselves to pick up? Children may know to do something but that does not mean they will actually remember to do it on their own. Should parents criticize during these habit forming stages? Is it damaging to point out failure before the habit is formed? YES…

It is damaging and often counter-productive to children's habit forming skills. Pointing out a failure for which children have no control over gives these children a feeling of incompetence. My children know how to put their bowls in the sink but they forget. They don't know why they fail; only that they do. Knowing to do something is completely different than actually doing it. It is our job to help children develop habits by repetition in instruction. After many months of reinforcing instructions, and only after children have developed the habit, are we allowed to discipline over failure.

Developing constructive and useful habits is a tedious process that starts with us, the parents.

Here are some tips to help kids develop these habits:

• Post a note to serve as a reminder. Luckily my kids learned to read in the Pre-K  years so I was able to post a note near the toilet paper that read, "Flush the Toilet". It really worked!  If your children can't read then post a picture.
• Keep track of all the times children perform the wanted task by using tally marks. Post this in plain view of children as a reminder of success.
• Establish routines. Routines are a great way to incorporate new activities into an old schedule. The routine acts as the prompt, reminding the child of the proper procedures.
• Reward children for small successes. Start out rewarding frequently then gradually reward less and less often until the habit is formed and rewards are no longer necessary.
• Set mini goals for children. For example, see if you can get your child to hang-up his coat for five days in a row. Once the small goal is accomplished, add on a few days to make it a bigger goal.
•  If all else fails, use the old classic of tying a string around your child’s finger to remind them they are supposed to be doing something…the trick is to get them to remember what that something is.

Oh, and for the record, this list is included in another blog post but can be applied in many situations.  I reposted the list because "repetition is the mother of learning".

Top Ten Rainy Day Play: Fun for All Age Groups

July 11, 2011